You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
