I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
