How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My dick has a subreddit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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