My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
