Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
