Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
