Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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