bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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