I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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