Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
