My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
