ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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