just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
