Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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