i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
