two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pants are for mortals
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
