I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
