I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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