We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
