yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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