just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
As shirtless as possible
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
