I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
whose parrot is this?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
