Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
