No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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