I think my fart just growled at me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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