I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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