im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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