if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
