maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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