The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
