I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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