Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
