i may or may not be watching the land before time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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