She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well you can't waste a boner
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
