That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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