walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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