Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
