i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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