If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize