I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize