Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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