Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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