if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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