Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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