If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize