covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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