They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
