Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
