see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
