I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
