Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you will always have a special place in my vag
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
