Can Purell be used as lube?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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