turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
