so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
