may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
