we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
