Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
