Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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