I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
bring money and cleavage
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
