can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
