Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
