So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
