I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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