well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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