God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
