Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
