Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
