My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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